so i made myself a doctor's appointment for when we were back in town because i had been spotting for about two weeks and i knew something wasn't right.i picked my husband up from work and we went to my doctor's appointment, trev sat in the waiting room with a new dad who was trying to calm his new baby.When I finally got the courage to tell my mother about it, she treated me like the "other woman" and put me through an even worse hell than the one I had endured with my father.I was diagnosed with cervical cancer at the age of 34.People have told me I need to let go of my abusive past, but that's easier said than done.
My father sexually abused me from the age of five through 12, and again at 14.
When I was an awkward teenage girl, I was addicted to "rom-coms," aka romantic comedies. First you'd meet a drop-dead gorgeous guy who saw past your shy exterior and asked you out on a date. To help out all of those out there still struggling with finding "The One" (another lie), I've compiled a list of ways movies/books/media tricks us into falling for the fantasy. No one makes out at 6am before brushing their teeth or using the restroom. But all of those failed relationships teach us how to act, what we like (and don't), and above all, make us really appreciate when we do find a good match. Real people are not plastic-surgery perfected supermodels.
Then you'd spend all day and night laughing and drinking wine at fancy restaurants with perfect outfits while you stared into each others eyes. When I actually began dating for real, I realized that all the rom-com movies I had watched had brainwashed me into thinking that relationships were all about champagne and looking good. Morning breath is real and unfortunately gross for everyone. People usually take turns paying after the relationship has turned to "exclusive" status. Real couples fight, talk about it (aka healthy communication), and then make-up. Real people have curves, rolls, body hair, cellulite, stretch marks, moles, and all sorts of 'blemishes.' Letting go of that search for the most handsome man or most beautiful woman is all part of realizing the superficial fantasy is standing in your way of finding someone you can actually laugh with and are attracted to. Unlike "The Bachelor," in relationships people talk about practical things and their dreams.
This list could go on and on, but what I want to pass on is something I wish I had learned when I was that lonely, date-less 16-year old: real people have faults and that's okay. I love laughing at how my husband and I both would rather watch Netflix and eat leftovers than go out.
I love his so-called flaws, because they make mine okay too.